Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Pouring More Than a Portion

As Hannah continued praying before the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying silently; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard; therefore Eli thought she was drunk. So Eli said to her, "How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Put away your wine." But Hannah answered, "No, my lord, I am a woman deeply troubled; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the LORD. Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation all this time." Then Eli answered, "Go in peace; the God of Israel grant the petition you have made to him." And she said, "Let your servant find favor in your sight." Then the woman went to her quarters, ate and drank with her husband, and her countenance was sad no longer. (1 Samuel: 12-18)




We come to a church to stand, sit, kneel before God. We come before our altar possibly to switch from one level of thinking – to a deeper awareness.  We hear about attacks in our world every day.  For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom – Jesus says.  There are wars and rumors of wars all the time.

I want to take a moment and open our hearts towards the people of Paris – people who are scared and in shock because something so horrible happened.  The people who are in shock and overwhelming grief because someone they loved have died.  I want us along with God to remember them in our hearts.

It is a witness to our faith – to come together and lift up as much love and compassion as we possibly can in prayer to the one who holds it all in the palm of holy hands.

All of our stories and lessons this morning – are around church – which is pretty unique.  People bringing stuff before God.  The disciples have just left church and are carrying around something they have a hard time giving up – anxiety.  When, when, when – they want to know.  Answers, answers, answers – they want to know.

Jesus shrugs and tries as usual to reorient their thinking.  Don’t focus on the illusion of security within the walls of these giant buildings – these huge institutions.  He goes on to say – it’s what’s inside you that matters – it’s your actions and your speech that matters.  Trust that God is with you in that.

We walk by faith and not by sight.  Jesus tries to get the disciples to see that – to see beyond what is finite to what is infinite.  That’s hard – which is why it’s a practice.

And then we have this rich story from the book of Samuel.  It kicks off what is going to be this phenomenal narrative around the time of Kings in Israel – the stories of Samuel, Saul and David. But there’d be no boys – without the girls.  Hannah starts it all.  And it gets started because she brings all of her – into the church to be before God.

I can only imagine that she has given up – she is at the end of her rope.  She is tired of being humiliated by her husband’s other wife, Penninah.  Tired of feeling less than in front of her and everyone else.

On one level this is something woman in the 21st century can still relate to.  While procreation is not the sole way in which we define our worthiness as women – when you want a baby and you can’t have one – you think, what is wrong with me?  And in Hannah’s time – she certainly had a double portion of that because it was the primary way you had any value as a wife.

And while her husband may think that giving Hannah a double portion of the sacrifice (whatever that means by the way) is going to make her feel better – it doesn’t.  How could it?  He can’t fix her problem – and she isn’t asking him to.  Hannah stands there weeping – not eating – and her husband’s response is – aren’t I enough for you?

I want the text to say – Hannah gazes and Elkanah and says – this isn’t about you, honey.  Can you just empathize with my sadness?

So – Hannah has given up.  And she gives all of her to God at the altar.  The anger, the sorrow, the frustration, the disappointment – all of it.  You know, it many ways Hannah is a lot like Job.  Job was surrounded by people who couldn’t bear his suffering along with him – and so he hurled it at God.

Hannah is in the same boat – God is the only one she can pour her heart out to.

So she does – but Eli, the priest who sees her – he thinks she’s simply been pouring one glass of wine too many!

You know – there are two stories in the bible where people who are praying are mistaken for being drunk – Hannah in this story – and what’s the other?  Pentecost – remember the whoosh! of the Holy Spirit comes into the room and people let it all hang out – speaking in tongues and filled with the spirt – and someone says – its 9 o’clock in the morning and these people are already drunk!

What would that be like for you and me?  To pray in our joy and in our sorrow where we really pour it all out?  I’ll bet it would make most of us very uncomfortable.  Which is why someone makes a snide judgmental comment in the upper room – and I’m sure – why Eli goes over and tells Hannah to stop making a spectacle of herself.

Hannah isn’t embarrassed though – how could she be, she’s given up.  No – that’s not it – please pray with me that the Lord will remember me.  Please pray that God will remember – who I’ve been, who I could be – who I am created to be.

I wonder if Hannah’s authenticity embarrassed Eli – or – if he still just wanted her out of his church – which is why he says quickly – Go, your petition is granted.  It doesn’t matter because it isn’t Eli’s doing that Hannah has a son – it’s God’s.  The Lord remembers her.

There is something slightly vexing to me that Hannah’s prayers are answered – is that weird for me to say that?  It’s just that sometimes it seems like we read this holy text where all the people get their prayers answered – and where does that leave us?  Since Friday – there are so many people crying out for the Lord to remember them – how will God answer their prayers?  I don’t know.

But that’s not the only way to take in the story.  We can allow it to reorient our vision.  Hannah gets her son – Samuel is born – but then what does she do?  She gives him up.  The one thing she wanted more than anything in the whole, whole, world – she gives him up.  She gives him back, perhaps?

It’s like that parable in Matthew – where Jesus says the kingdom of heaven is like a man who finds a pearl of great price and sells everything he has for the pearl.  But that doesn’t make any sense – what do you do with a pearl?  Jesus is trying to get us to see – it’s not the “what” that has value – it’s a way of living, a way of being in the world – where we give all that we love to God.

It’s not just the sadness and heartache we pour out to God – we pour out the joy and the love and that which brings us our greatest happiness.  We freely give that up – or give that back to God because we know that God is the source of all of it.

Hannah brings her whole heart and gives her whole heart to God.  How much of your heart will you give to God this morning – a portion?  A double portion?  Or the whole thing?

That is what we practice – growing our hearts ever wider (love has no measure) – by remembering the hearts of people we’ve never known from ages ago – along with the hearts of people who are far off and those who are near. Hearts that are breaking in grief – and hearts that are bursting with joy for what life has brought on this particular day.  God asks us to remember too.

Remember that we are God’s field, God’s building (1 Cor).  Remember the heart and body that was broken for us.  As we ask God to remember us in our prayers –may we bring our whole selves to God.

May we give our whole selves as gifts to one another – reorienting visions and opening hearts to God’s infinite love – pouring out - here and now.  Amen.

The Rev. Arianne R. Weeks
Proper 28 Year B
11/15/15

No comments:

Post a Comment